Interview with an Un-churched Friend

Interview with an Un-churched Friend

(Ryan)

(1) What are a few issues or topics that impact/interest you?

            I'm interested in any topic that stretches my knowledge and potentiates new perspective on social issues, philosophical concepts, and human consciousness as a whole. Issues such as politics, progressive science, music, sports, spiritual ideas...that about covers it.

(2) What are some issues or topics that you think people in your community/people your age are interested in?

            I think most people in this area have a pretty simple mindset about life. They're in no way less intelligent than, say the community of Los Angeles, but they see little purpose in pursuing ideas that are outside of religion, family, and working. Rather than making advances to impact the world, they're more reactive to what goes on around them.

(3) What kind of family-friendly event would you be interested in attending in your community? 

            I think a cook out at a local park is always a great way to attract the public. If I saw an advertisement for a free church BBQ at a park nearby, I’d totally grab lunch and have some conversation. Plus it's an all ages environment.

(4) Why do you think most people don’t attend church?

            I think most people don’t attend church because they've been given a very bad impression of church at a young age, or they simply were never able to truly find Christianity as what they believe to be absolute truth at whatever stage of life they tampered with the thought.

(5) If you were to look for a church to attend, what kind of things would you look for?        

            I'd look for really down to earth people, and a very welcoming, almost overly accepting attitude. A pastor with extreme integrity is a must, and that's easy to know pretty quickly.

(6) What advice can you give to pastors who really want to be helpful to people?

            I would tell pastors to simply practice what you preach. If you're a pastor, you should be the living example of what a Christian lifestyle should look like. You've accepted the Great Commission in a radical way, and should live life accordingly. Of course, all Christians will sin and need forgiveness, but pastors should hopefully only "stumble" in areas that are widely more socially acceptable.

(7) Have there been any specific reasons that you have not attended a church personally?

            I haven't attended church for the past couple years, except for holidays and special occasions with my family, simply because I don't believe that Christianity is the belief system for me. I have very different ideas about the purpose of existence than Christians. I don't believe in the Christian “God.” I believe that Christianity is a great pathway to happiness and security for many who need it, just not for me.

(8) Have there been any Christians in your life who have admired? Why or why not?

             I admire the pastor of the church I grew up in. He is very easy to talk to and has a welcoming personality. It’s easy to tell that he really cares about people.

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            By reading the above comments, it is not hard to tell that Ryan is a very intelligent, socially aware, personable young man who knows the Christian lingo. He grew up heavily involved in church his whole life, many times in the spotlight of numerous ministries and groups. His parents were involved in church leadership, his siblings just as involved as him. Around age 14, Ryan started to slip away from the church. First by backing off and stepping down from ministries, then a few years later, discontinuing his attendance altogether.

             It was really hard to interview Ryan. Maybe because it’s painful to watch my little brother live without the hope that I have, and maybe because he’s so hardened that he barely lets anything personal slip out. Probably both.

            Ryan is so great. He’s one of those people you could talk to for hours and be entertained; one of those guys who loves the spotlight and will do anything to make you laugh. Ryan is a great debater, an even better actor, and an excellent judge of character. Within five minutes of meeting someone, he can discern the level of his or her sincerity. With all of these traits and talents, it’s no wonder that Ryan doesn’t like church.

            Why? Ryan has witnessed too many fake, insincere, acting, hypocritical Christians throughout his life. He’s seen people teach him something and then get caught for some sort of secret-sin. He’s been exhorted to live righteously and be involved in ministry without being discipled. He’s been assumed to be a Christian because of his family, but not actually ever really asked about his own faith walk. He feels like he was forced to be a fake.

            Ryan also knows many real, sincere Christians, but his negative experiences have overshadowed them. I think that this poses a challenge for the Church. First, the challenge is to live open, honest lives that reflect who we really are, not who we’re pretending to be. I don’t mean to let ourselves go, stop resisting the human nature, and stop trying to live righteously, but to be open about our failures and faults so that people can know that they are just like us and can experience the life-changing power of Jesus in their lives too. Secondly, the challenge is to treat people with enough respect to not make assumptions, but to sincerely get to know them and where they are.

            I’m still praying for Ryan to find Jesus in a real way, for himself. I try to be as real with him as possible, and I try not to tell him what to do or that the choices he’s making are wrong, because in his mind, they’re not. That’s really hard, but I think he respects it. I pray that my life and the changes my parents have made because of this will somehow, someday, show him that we believe what we say; that Christianity is not just a crutch. Sometimes when I think about what’s happened to Ryan, I get so angry. I wish that I could have kept all of that from happening to him. I wish that he had had people pouring into his life like I did. I wish that Christians would actually live like what they say they are. I get so angry, because I know I’m one of the worst. I know that he watched me lead worship and then come home and disrespect my parents; lie straight to his face. What regret. How can I fix it? How can I show him the Light that has disclosed the cobwebs that were suffocating those parts of my heart that were not submitted to God’s will? How do I show him the love that he’s so desperately searching for?

            Questions.